Wholesale Authentic Joe Barksdale Custom Jersey China

Joe Barksdale, who starts at right tackle for the Los Angeles Chargers, told the Los Angeles Times that he has battled severe depression throughout his life, and nearly took it in November.

It was only after his suicidal thoughts did he decide he would be open with his battle with depression: "If I could save another person, maybe that's why the attempts [to harm himself] didn't work."

In November, Barksdale learned he would miss a third straight game after injuring his foot. He began to cry and suicidal thoughts, he said, overwhelmed him: "Just kill yourself. Just do it. What's the point of living if you're going to be this miserable the rest of your life? Just kill yourself."

The severe depression - Barksdale says it's the "monkey" always on his back - was too much to bear, and when he got to his home, he sharpened a knife.

His wife, Brionna, was able to talk him out of suicide.

"If I let myself get sad, like really sad, it can go really bad places - like I could not be here tomorrow," Barksdale said.

Barksdale, 29, says he was physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child - "I was molested when I was younger. It happened" - which only contributed to the insecurity and anxiety he had from being bullied for his size and his interest in engineering. But he now takes medication and is in therapy, including turning to music - a suggestion from former coach Jeff Fisher. Barksdale released his debut album "Butterflies, Rainbows & Moonbeams."

Barksdale is now speaking publically after spending so many years hiding his depression, though he has confided in his teammates, including quarterback Phillip Rivers. When his teammates told him it was "between us," Barkesdale replied, "My thing was, I'm telling you so that you can tell other people." Barksdale said it showed the stigma in the league.

But he hopes by sharing his story others will follow suit.

"Some days, you can talk yourself out of it. Some days, you can't. Some days, it just feels impossible," he told the LA Times. "This is who I am. I am as depressed as I am black."